“Change is the end result of all true learning.” – Leo Buscaglia
I recently saw a video about a popular American TV Show personality, who I’ll refer to as MW. On her TV show, she bad-mouthed a lady we’ll call TC because TC said that after 15 years she could finally retire her husband. TC’s business had grown, and she was so successful, her husband could quit his job and spend his days doing what he loved. Throughout the 15 years, TC’s husband supported, believed in and encouraged his wife and was now reaping the rewards.
Meanwhile, MW, who was also supporting her husband financially for several years, was recently divorced and suffered public humiliation because of her unfaithful husband. MW’s attack on TC could be labeled as bitter, envious and jealous. After all, MW’s marriage had broken down, while TC and her husband flourished.
Many might call MW a hater/toxic person who doesn’t want to see others succeed, especially when they have failed.
What does MW and TC’s story have to do with learning?
The story reminded me of the many haters/toxic people I met throughout my learning journey over the years. I’m sure that many of you have met haters/toxic people who don’t want to see you achieve your learning goals.
If you can relate to this, then this post is just for you. In it, you’ll learn what haters are and why they hate, what signs show that you have a hater in your environment, and how to delete haters from your learning life, permanently!
What is a hater & why do they hate?
When I was studying in New York I remember doing really well on an exam. I told one of my friends that a few of the other students in the class suddenly started telling me I was lucky to get the best grade and I’d never do so well again. They also began inviting me to more activities, especially when they knew I had assignments due. They encouraged me to procrastinate and told me I was wasting my time constantly learning. They said I needed to “have more fun and less stress.” My friend said, “Classic case of haters! You did the best in the class, so they’re gonna hate you, just because they ain’t you!” This was the first time I learned what a hater is.
A hater is a negative or critical person. Haters intentionally aim to sabotage your success and want to see you fail. They may be bitter because they may not be doing as well as you are, or they are not brave enough to follow their dreams or achieve their goals. So they envy your courage and wish that they could do what you’re doing. They criticize or discourage your efforts, try to block your progress and stomp on your happiness to compensate for their shortcomings and lack of success.
Some haters may try to disguise their toxic intentions by posing as someone who has your best interest at heart. They then attempt to discourage/distract you from your learning journey because maybe they missed (or never had) the opportunity to learn and don’t want you to take full advantage of yours.
Haters may be harmful to your mind, your confidence, and your grades. This restricts you from achieving your goals and living your best life. Therefore, they should be avoided.
BONUS READ: How to Stop Procrastinating and Start Working
Despite being extremely detrimental, unfortunately, sometimes haters may seem unavoidable. You may have haters online, at home, at work, or in your social circles who you are forced to encounter and endure often.
If you feel you’re surrounded by haters who constantly tell you things like,
“You’ll always be a failure! Stop wasting your time trying.”
“You won’t amount to anything!”
“What you’re learning is worthless!”
“I don’t have a degree/certification/qualifications and I turned out just fine.”
“No one we know is educated. What makes you think you’re better/more special than all of us?”
“There are more important things to do with your time…”
If you’ve been told any of the above or anything like these comments, don’t panic.
Always remember that you alone have the power to decide who you want in your life and how much control they will have over your thoughts, words, and actions. If you choose to, you can immediately delete the significance of haters from your life by intentionally deciding how much power you are going to give to that individual(s) over your mindset and wellbeing.
BONUS READ: How To Manage Your Mindset To Increase Your Motivation & Concentration When Learning Online
For instance, I know that sometimes the hater may be close to you, like your parent/partner/peer. But that doesn’t mean that you must believe the negative or critical comments made to you. You can continue to love the hater but ignore the hurtful/discouraging comments. If you habitually ignore the toxicity, eventually it becomes so diluted it won’t affect you and you can continue to progress towards your goals confidently.
When you spot a hater, if you can’t delete them from your life completely, the next best thing to do is to distance yourself from them as much as possible. I know if the hater is close to you, like your parent/partner/peer, physical distance may be impossible. However, mental distance regarding critical comments about your learning journey is possible. Take some time to mentally distance yourself from the hate so you can have a confident mindset and not succumb to the negativity. This helps your learning and enhances your health and wellbeing.
Each hater you encounter may be unique in their approach to you. Haters come in different shapes and sizes. They may also differ from situation to situation and are relative to each individual. So, you will need to decide if they can/need to be deleted temporarily or permanently. Or if they just need to be distanced from for the moment or long term.
For instance, Jesse is your close friend for over 10 years, whom you love and can trust with your life. Unfortunately, Jesse’s always negative whenever you mention what you’re learning. You don’t want to deal with the criticism and negativity because it affects your mood and causes you self-doubt. However, you don’t want to delete Jesse from your life permanently as they are a great friend you don’t want to lose. Instead, you could choose to distance Jesse for a moment until you complete your exams/assignments. After you’ve completed your course/gained your degree, you may want to reunite with Jesse.
Remember, only you can decide to delete or distance yourself from that hater. Only you can determine who is a hater in your life based on how they make you feel when you interact with them.
How to spot a hater?
- Haters love drama. They thrive on chaos and conflict. Do you know anyone who’s a “Drama Queen” or “Drama King”? Then most likely that person’s also a hater.
- Haters are devious. Haters usually lie to make themselves and their life look better/more attractive than reality. They do this especially when compared to your life and accomplishments. So if you sense something isn’t right or makes little sense when the hater tells his/her tale, then you’re probably correct and it’s all a lie.
- Haters are controlling and manipulative. Haters may not have control over their own lives or they may have many life regrets. So, they try to control your life and suppress your success to make themselves feel better about their bad life choices. Through manipulation and deceit, haters will try to dictate your destiny and tell you what you can or cannot do. Haters may also try to manipulate your loved ones to get them to discourage you from pursuing your dreams.
- Haters are narcissistic. A narcissistic person has an excessive interest in, or admiration of themselves. If you’re around someone who constantly makes everything about themselves, then that’s a hater. Constantly taking the spotlight and not allowing you to get a word in about your learning or anything else, is a way of hating on your happiness and progress. If they were not so narcissistic, then they’d be happy to have a dialogue with you about your learning and not always have a monologue with themselves.
- Haters are takers, not givers. Haters always look out for themselves and constantly take, giving nothing valuable in return. For instance, do you know someone who you’re always there for? You visit them regularly, especially when they’re down? Call them to see how they’re doing? Show compassion/empathy when they suffer loss or difficulty? Remember special occasions, like their birthday/anniversary? Yet, they never seem to be there for you, even when it’s obvious that you need their support. If you know someone who constantly neglects or devalues you, despite you repeatedly being there for them, then you know a hater.
If you spot any of these 5 signs in anyone you know, then most likely, you’re in hater territory.
But don’t worry, I’ve got you! I can help you get out of hater territory.
Below, I’ve given you several strategies on how to handle haters and ignore their toxic attempts to sabotage your success, your health, and your happiness. By habitually applying these strategies, you’ll be able to reach your learning goals and enjoy a life of positivity and prosperity.
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How to handle haters
1. Avoid and ignore the haters
When I was a little girl, I often heard my wise old, grandmother say, “Birds of a feather flock together.” She also declared, “You’re know by the company you keep.”
My grandmother meant that people who are alike socialize with others who are like them. If you’re regularly around a certain type of people, eventually you become as they are. So, if you are around haters who are constantly negative towards you and degrade your ambitions, eventually you will become negative towards yourself.
If haters tell you the same thing often enough, ultimately you may accept it and start doubting yourself and your determination to succeed.
The best way to beat the haters and avoid them getting to you is to ignore and avoid them as much as possible. Better yet, if you can, avoid them completely.
Take steps to distance yourself and not interact with your haters on social media, in person, online, or via phone. Even if you live with the hater(s), don’t be scared to tell them you need some time to focus on yourself and you won’t be available to interact for the foreseeable future. You don’t have to explain that you want to get away from their negativity.
Just be firm, frank, and final!
If they try to connect/contact you, ignore them and don’t engage. The longer you are away from the haters, the easier it is for you to ignore their existence and avoid being manipulated by their negativity.
As you ignore/avoid your haters, intentionally socialize with people that are positive and have similar ambitions to yours. Use resources that remind you of how great you are. You will find an abundance of resources and positive vibes in my exclusive VIP resource library. Join other ambitious learners like yourself, immediately!
2. Remember your reality
Know your worth and don’t let anyone tell you that you are worthless. Haters tell you things that make you seem like you’re the greatest failure of all times. You may not want to be confrontational, so you simply smile and say nothing. Although I commend you for not engaging and sinking to their level, sometimes you’ve got to give the hater a dose of reality.
Remind the hater that although you may have made mistakes in the past, or that you come from humble beginnings, you are sensible and strong enough to pursue your dreams and not let your past define your future. Reiterate that you are brilliant and brave enough to actively take steps to better your life and learn from your mistakes, instead of wallowing in self-pity or blaming others.
You can remain classy and leave it as that.
However, if you want to be ghetto for a moment, then remind the hater of the train wreck that is their life.
What has the hater one to improve/advance their situation lately?
If you highlight their fears and failures, you’ll realize that they keep trying to stop you from living your best life because their life is sad and stagnant.
So, when the haters attack, always remember your reality. You’ll find that your knowledge of how well you’re doing far surpasses what they think they know about you.
3. Don’t neglect your feelings
If someone makes you feel bad or is rude/insulting/hurtful to you, do not justify or apologize for their behavior. You and your feelings are significant and should not be neglected. So, it’s not OK that they’ve made you feel that way.
I know sometimes people may have a bad day and this can cause them to misbehave. We all have off days where our patience and tolerance levels are low, or we mess up and want to scream at someone.
However, if someone is repeatedly nasty to you and is always belittling you and your efforts, or degrading your achievements, then this is inexcusable. How this person frequently makes you feel should not be ignored.
If you always feel anxious, intimidated, or just sick to your stomach by their presence, then you know this person is a hater and should be avoided at all costs.
If you’re always apologizing to that person, just for being yourself and they never apologize to you for their hurtful comments or anything else, please don’t ignore this.
Even if that person has mental or personal issues, you should not have to suffer at their expense. It’s wrong for you to neglect your own feelings because and be subjected to their verbal/emotional abuse.
So, acknowledge your feelings and intentionally avoid these haters.
4. If you MUST, interact boldly & in public
Although you can block them on social media and avoid them online, sometimes, it’s impossible or impractical to avoid your haters in real life completely. This may be because you live/work/learn with them.
In those cases where you MUST interact with your haters, communicate with them directly and boldly.
Don’t give them the satisfaction of feeling like you fear them, or that they are succeeding at manipulating/intimidating you.
If you make a mistake when you interact and the hater highlights it, don’t wither. Just correct your mistake/learn from it and move on. Ignoring the hater will be more effective than engaging with him/her.
If you’re in public, ignoring the hurtful/uncomfortable comments designed to ridicule you will make you look poised and polished. However, the hater will look petty and pathetic.
Haters thrive on drama and may not hesitate to be hostile or act ghetto to get attention. So, if they act up in public after you ignore them, at least you’ll have witnesses to their aggressiveness, and you can leave if you become uncomfortable.
Interacting with haters in public also reduces the risk of them behaving like an idiot and acting the fool if things don’t go their way.
5. Ignore their existence
Haters love themselves and seek attention by any means necessary.
One of the best ways to combat them and delete them from your life is to completely ignore their existence. When you delete a hater, you want to do it thoroughly.
Don’t acknowledge them online or offline. If possible, don’t engage in direct conversations with them, or entertain discussions with others about them.
I know that talking about things can be therapeutic. However, if you continually talk about your haters, then you risk them still dominating your life, even if you don’t communicate with them directly.
You don’t want it to be a case where you’re busy stressing over your haters and they are out there enjoying their lives without a thought for you.
You also don’t want to talk about them to a snitch, who tells your haters everything you said and causes more harm than good.
6. Your best friend may be your worst enemy
Bob Marley knew exactly what he was saying when he wrote this. Sometimes those who appear to be your friends may mean you the most harm, and those who appear to hate you may not. I would not recommend talking to people about your haters, but if you MUST, this should always be remembered.
If you absolutely NEED to talk to someone about your haters, it also helps to be very selective in whom you confide.
Many haters pretend to have your best interest at heart while secretly wishing the worst for you. They encourage you to tell them all your secrets so that they have the fuel to light the fire and fan the flames when you’re at your worst. They can then manipulate you to do/not do what they want by threatening to expose your secrets to others.
If you’ve been a victim of haters before, that’s unfortunate. However, don’t let it get you down. Learn from your mistake and if you’re ever tempted again to talk to people about your business, remember the words of the late great Bob Marley,
“Your worst enemy could be your best friend, and your best friend your worst enemy.”
To fully flourish and achieve your learning and life goals, it’s imperative that you surround yourself with positive people and positive affirmations.
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Delete the haters from your life with no regrets or any apologies.
Although it may not be an easy road, it’s a necessary one that will lead you to the happiness and success in life that you deserve.
“The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.” – B.B. King
Do you have any haters in your life? What have you done to delete them? Let me know in the comments below and don’t forget to grab your FREE PDF for an abundance of inspiration, learning, confidence and motivation.
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GO & BE GREAT!